Weddings Always Make Me Cry


I was fortunate enough to be at the wedding of two truly amazing people yesterday. I have known the bride for years, as she is one of Devon’s core (Hard Core!) group of oldest, best friends. Her now-husband is an intelligent, quiet and thoughtful man who absolutely and whole heartedly loves her with every cell in his being. The feeling is mutual of course and though I know they have struggles, tough times, trying situations and all, I have every faith that they will grow old together, hold hands when they walk down the street, gaze into each other’s eyes like they are seeing them for the first time, every time. These two are hope for happiness, a shining example that True Love is alive and well, working its magic and giving glow to all those around them.

The wedding was a simple ceremony, but the collective love was so great, it created a wave that just flowed between each and every person there. It touched our hearts, tears of happiness and joy were shed, laughter rang out and strangers became friends; troubles forgotten for the time, just being in the world of these two wonderful people. This is the magic of love, that brings people together, wraps them in a powerful blanket stronger than steel, more valuable than gold. Like armor against a harsh world, their love is their power, their truth and their salvation. I know the challenges that Life can present are oftentimes enormous, but I believe that these two will meet whatever the encounter on the Road of Life with a strong faith in their love and the willingness to do whatever it takes to make it through it. It makes my heart happy to see a gorgeous, confident woman looking absolutely radiant in her wedding dress and remember the young teenager that I first met so many years ago. I never gave birth to a daughter, but I have many daughters of my heart and she is the first.

So, I raise my cup of coffee and wish for you again for all the happiness your hearts can hold, all the sunrises your eyes can see and as much laughter as your body can bear.




Heavy Heart & Prayerful Soul

It is with a heavy heart that I wrote this post; yesterday I heard the news that Robin Williams had taken his life. I cannot imagine the pain he must have endured all the 63 years he lived. I cannot claim to know him, to diagnose his condition (if one existed) but I do know that with great brilliance and talent there is often a heavy price that is part and parcel of those gifts. Whether it’s mental illness, loss of privacy due to fame, addiction, or simply the demons that all mankind must bear, each as one different as the person who carries them. What the public sees and what the individual experiences are usually two completely different things. If we were able to see the demons, snarling and snapping hateful, vile things in our ears, then perhaps we would be able to know that no matter how pretty, how rich, how handsome, talented, or morally just a person is, they are not immune to suffering, be it mental, emotional or simply a haunting memory of regret. All too often, we see what we want to see and believe what serves our purpose. People with mental illness know this and it is as if we all have a script of how we are to behave, so as to not appear different or worse, UNWELL. That’s the word that means a trip to the Not So Funny Farm, a series of new medications that make you fat, flat, and absent. Absent of passion, of creative thoughts, pleasant dreams and restful nights. Robin Williams was a genius in making people not only laugh, but FEEL. He was a Live Wire of energy, emotion, humanity and love. I have yet to watch one of his movies or hear an interview of his and not feel moved either by laughter, sadness, hope or just plain love. He delivered, Big Time. It is said that we treat other people the way that we want to be treated and I believe that he loved us as much as we loved him, but the pain was greater than all of us. I cannot condone nor critique his choice, only pray that he has truly found peace and can feel all our love reaching out to him, like a Live Wire.
You have fought the good fight and now I pray for you Eternal Peace, Ever Lasting Love and a return of one thousand fold the kindness and compassion you’ve shown others. God Bless You, Robin Williams. You will live on in our hearts forever.

Note: Please join me in the Out of the Darkness walk if you are in the Sacramento area. For more information, please click on the link below:

Perception and Passing

Scientists are sometimes pretty strange. They can be so engrossed in reality that they seem almost absent from it, as if they float above the Earth. That’s a bit how you feel about things, too, Sagittarius. You like to explain the world in your own special way, the way you see it and not necessarily the way it really is. That’s your secret. You know that no one else can see the world the way you do.

That’s my horoscope for today according to “glo” on I like the thought but I believe that we all see the world in our own unique way, interpreting images and voices and sensory sensations. I always go back to that saying


I think our view of the world is much the same way; a hot, dry, sunny day in the 100’s for me is torture but for Sibling #3 (let’s just call him 3) it’s a picture perfect day, made to order just for him. I joke with him and say he must be part reptilian to enjoy such heat, but it’s his personal taste, his personal experience that makes the day good, not the day itself. The same way that I believe the high temperatures are at fault for my unhappiness and discomfort, I know that it is my refusal to adjust my belief that keeps me unhappy, not the weather itself. The very definition of insanity comes to mind – doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result; refusing to change ones ways, beliefs, attitudes but mourning their unhappiness is much the same, I believe. I cannot expect the world to stop rotating on its axis and time to stand still because I desire the quiet and the absence of the ticking clock to attempt to absorb and process the last few months. I cannot expect people on the street to not smile because I have lost my mother; the world cannot be shades of gray, the colors are still bright, the sky is still blue, the birds still sing and time marches on. What was in the past moves farther into it while the future unfurls itself slowly to me, showing me seemingly only what I am ready to see, what I will be able to get past my ego and my will to control everything I have no control over. I cannot expect the sun to stop shining, though there is a shadow on my heart; I cannot stop laughing for fear of minimizing the loss. I have to face forward, with the knowledge and strength this time has bestowed upon me, the experiences like beautiful gifts wrapped in roses with sharp, stabbing thorns. The pain is a part of the gift; it needs to break you down and empty your hands so that you may be humble enough to admit you don’t know everything, you control nothing and you are ready to accept the gift on terms that are not your own. That is when the growth happens, that is when the ego must recede into the shadows and allow the spirit to stretch and to reach up, seeking the light of enlightenment and the courage that only faith can bring. Love and loss walk hand in hand, along with life and death; we cannot ignore the loss but we cannot go before it is our time. I will move forward, drinking in the beauty of this world, the colors of the flowers, the laughter of little children, the song of the birds in the trees. I will pull from each day every bit of joy, happiness, gratitude and grace that it has to offer. I will live, really live, in the moment, in the eyes of another and with the love of my parents tucked safely away, deep in my heart where it glows and keeps me warm. I will live until I can live no more and then I will go quietly into the night, as I will know that it is my time to join them.
It’s always interesting to me the difference between what I think I’m going to write about and then what the finished product actually is. I love that about writing, but I hope it doesn’t make for a scattered post for you, my readers. Thanks for sticking with me and if you’re new, thanks for giving me your time and attention.
A Very Happy Friday to All!