A Walk Through Time

  
Bodiless souls from 

long, long ago

Stay by my side as I 

walk to and fro

By the chapel, 

in the garden I sense

The emotions of an 

other worldly presence. 

Not evil or frightening 

by any means;

Just lonely 

and searching it seems

For the love they had lost

sacrificed in war, the ultimate cost

For comfort and closure

For peace and companionship, 

now over.

These souls walk with me, 

their energy reaches out to me,

Drawing me in, encouraging me to see

Not with my eyes, but within my soul

The gifts they have left, the legacy 

bestowed;

Beautiful tapestries woven 

with hands long gone

The story of the unicorn 

lives on and on.

Portraits gaze down with knowing eyes

Some look lovingly, others bring fear 

and terrorize.

A child king sits on a throne twice his size

While advisors whisper to him 

to always be wise;

but rule strong and true,

Your beloved country depends on you.

These lives are long gone, 

but long shadows they cast

From long, long ago, 

from deep in the past.

Third Time’s A Charm

Last December I embarked on a trip that would end up being more of a journey; I traveled to Scotland by myself and spent enough time there to 

1) fall deeply and completely in love with Edinburgh, Loch Ness, bus tours and tales of the MacGregors and William Wallace and the sound of a Scotsman regaling us all with tales of long ago, legends that never die and heroes who will never be forgotten.

2) know that I would have to return during the summer months which I did, and

3) know that people are the same all over the world; some are kind, some are not. Some are generous with their time, attention and conversation, while others seem to be allergic to interaction with others. But they are all human, full of glorious flaws and unique gifts.

The most important lesson of all that I have learned in my travels is that where ever you go, you will always take yourself with you. So before I leave on a trip, I try to check my negativity and my judgment of others at the door and instead take a fresh mind set in which I am prepared to receive whatever gifts the Universe wishes to offer me. That being said, I am not always successful in my efforts but without the thought being there, I wouldn’t try at all. Perfection is out the door and balance is my goal in all things.

Talking to people from all over the world, going to different lands and locations for different reasons, not always happy and not always a reason to celebrate, but each one has something to share with me; advice on not waiting too long to tell someone how much you love them, forgive them and don’t waste time trying to have the most money, the biggest house in the “choicest” zip code; nothing can bring joy to your soul like the love of a spouse, a child or another human being. The things that are truly priceless are so because they cannot be bought. They are invaluable. So I’ll listen when the cute little elderly lady next to me starts up a conversation even if I am tired and cranky. It costs me nothing and gives us both a huge return on our investment.

May your Christmas memories warm you on the cold winter nights and

May the New Year bring you joy, love and seasonal delights.

Thanks for believing in me, encouraging me to continue to write and above all else, for being completely, totally and beautifully You! I think you’re pretty amazing ūüôā

Michelle Marie 

 From December 2014

C’mon Baby Light My (Inner) Fire

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If I had to write a list of all the people who have been kind enough to rekindle my inner fire/spirit, it would be a long list, indeed. There have been times when there was only one person who I would allow anywhere near me, no matter how dark my spirit, my thoughts and my flickering inner fire. During those times, that one person reminded me again and again that this (misery) was temporary, fleeting and passing but my dark thoughts would bring actions that would be permanent, lasting and devastating to those who love and care about me. This one person stood watch over my soul, protected me from myself, saved me from the darkness that had filled me and filled me with light, love and hope.¬†I have had complete strangers smile at me when I thought I had no reason to smile, bestow the smallest kindness¬†when I felt that no one cared. I have had people tell me how much a passing comment I made meant to them, that they enjoyed reading my blog and found comfort, validation or just plain entertainment from reading it. Also, this seems to happen when I am just about ready to give up writing altogether, thinking that no one reads it, the blog is of no consequence¬†and I have nothing interesting to say, anyway. I firmly believe that nothing that happens in the Universe is random and I believe with all my heart that the people who have crossed my path, come into my life and those who have left were sent to me for a reason; it’s not always clear what that reason is, but I do know that it is rarely for the benefit of one single person, but more likely of benefit to both. We all have something to offer, an lesson learned that we can share with another, a kind word or the best gifts we can give – our time and attention. A hug for a friend who had a stressful day, a phone call to a friend who dreads the holidays, a Christmas card to a faraway friend, sending love and warmth across the miles. Something as simple as a smile can bring the spirit of Christmas to anyone, regardless their faith or belief.

Had it not been for those who believed in me, in my writing and my ability to tell a story, this blog would have never been. Had it not been for the friends who never gave up on me, stayed the course when things got sideways and loved me even when they didn’t like me very much, I wouldn’t be here. Every day, we all wake up to fight battles, small and mighty, through the course of our day;¬†my intention (since I don’t do resolutions) for the New Year is to be the flame that lights the inner¬†fire of those I come into contact with. I may not save any lives, but I might help someone to realize how much they are loved, that they are not alone and that what seems to be impossible to survive is really something that simply cannot be overcome without the help of others, that the guilt and shame they have been carrying around for years can be set down, let go and they can make peace with the past and be freed from it. One never knows how their actions will be the spark that lights the fire; their words be the sword by which doubt and self-hate are slayed and their love be the light that fills the darkness.

 

Talk to me Goose

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I remember the first time I saw the movie Top Gun. My girl friend and I giggling our little hearts out in the movie theater, so in love with our respective characters (I loved Maverick, she loved Goose) and it was pure fantasy for a couple of troubled teenage girls. Every shot was glossy, full of man candy, motorcycles, leather jackets and super fast, cool looking jet planes with good-looking guys piloting them, all patriotic and hot as hell.  Aside from all of that, something that has stuck with me after all these years about that movie is the camaraderie between the guys. Not just Maverick and Goose, but the entire squad/group/whatever. When you know people have your back, want to you to succeed and believe in you, it makes all the difference in the world, whether things are going great or at an all-time low. The perspective that others can provide for us and sometimes by doing nothing more than just showing up, listening and being a friend.

Now, this is all well and good, but the other part of this whole wonderful thing is that one often times needs to ask for the lending of the ear, the spending of the time and the shoulder for crying on. That’s where I often falter and fall; it’s my delicate ego that keeps me from making the phone call, saying the thing I detest saying the most (I can’t do it by myself, I need help) but need to say, as I am human. Sometimes I can reach out if the discomfort of white-knuckling it becomes greater than my ability to bear it, but oftentimes I just am like Rocky hitting that bag, never letting up and fighting the good fight. We all have our battles and within those battles we have our fights; my fight against depression, addiction, temptation and the voice that says I can’t be successful, I’m not deserving of happiness, no one will ever love me and (the all-time classic) I’m a failure. Even Rocky had others in his world and they provided what he needed from them; inspiration, belief in him, hard work and above all else, love. I understand these things in concept, but I am working on putting the concept into practice and will let you know how that goes.

So, if you’re struggling with something, if the weight is becoming too much to bear and you need to share it, don’t wait too long before reaching out. People do care and “a burden shared is a burden halved” (T.A. Webb) after all.

C’mon.

Talk to me, Goose.

Sweet December

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Sweet December, how I adore you

You bring me Christmas, New Years Eve and my birthday

Snow flakes, Christmas carols and Rudolph.

Jesus’ birthday, Nativity Scene, Midnight mass, dressing up

Gifts to a king.

Crisp mornings, breezes that freeze, leafless trees,

their beautiful arms exposed, stripped bare and

beautiful, in their simplest form.

Against cloudy skies with patches of blue,

I walk along a quiet, empty street and watch my breath

manifest as dancing clouds before me,

my cheeks are cold, my soul is filled with delight.

Sweet December, you bring me the things that make

me want to live forever;

Goodwill to fellow man, gifts for the giving, for it is the

joy that only giving can bring that gives the feeling

that makes your heart sing.

Family gathering, friends go caroling, happy birthday to me;

baby sees his first Christmas tree,

Man and woman celebrate as husband and wife

for the first time in their life.

A curly haired girl waits anxiously and impatiently

to board a plane and return again to her happiest place

to say farewell to the old year

and welcome in the new one with music and dancing,

festivities, journeys and travels with a dear and treasured friend.

December, you make me happy, that’s all there is to it.

You remind me how quickly time flies,

how there is so much I still wish to do.

You remind me to celebrate life,

whatever the date and

if it’s the pursuit

of happiness,

better not wait.